i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if i can run in heels then i can drive
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Of course I have a pirate flag
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
