I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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