Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
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