You really coming over, don't trick.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
