and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
only you would photoshop your dick
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
