Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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