Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
