I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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