I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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