this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
