CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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