She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
