I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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