You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They took my balls.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
