Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
