Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
