i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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