i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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