the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
