I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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