A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
