Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
