I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Randomize
