Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize