...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
