He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
