You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
