Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
me + whiskey = a bad person
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize