my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
