she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
