I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
not ubering you a puppy
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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