I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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