if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
