So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
