The maid of honor just puked.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
