hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
