i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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