is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
