5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
