theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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