take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
