I just made out with a guy for $7.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
