My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
