I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
