Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
