I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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