What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
