i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
