So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
