3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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