Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
