i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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