I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
