Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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