I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
