The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
