I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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