his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
