I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
