I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
