Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
