Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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