yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
