He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
