Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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