My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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