HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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