Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
