hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Farmville is her only friend.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
