You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
