remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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