Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
