He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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