4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
