weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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