were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
false alarm, still single
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
