What did we do last night that was yellow?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
