.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
