So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
True college students do jello shots in the library
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