There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
