I want to stick my p in your. b.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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