i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Enjoy the penises
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
