i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
