I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
