Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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