Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
