Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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