girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
