Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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