dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
