He had one of those small greek statue penises
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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