i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
