69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
