either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
