I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
