This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
