When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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